Bacon Sriracha Unicorn Diaries

Eat24 Trolled By Its Own Customers

March 24, 2014

Hungry People Tell the Dirtiest Jokes

All we wanted was to make the collective mouth of the Internet even happier. Let’s find out what the people want, we thought. Operation: Butt Groove needs some scientific data to improve its efficiencies…or something. So we made a super serious survey and asked a few hundred customers to fill it out. Innocent enough, right? Wrong!

serious

Eat24 is actually a cat. A serious cat.

Turns out, the comment box at the end of the survey was too much for you guys to handle. Maybe we’re naive, but we were expecting something along the lines of “My ’hood needs more deep fried cheeseburger options!” or “Please create a taco teleporter ASAP.” But no. What did we get? Dirty jokes. Tons and tons of dirty jokes.

Here’s a breakdown of what we got:

piechart

We made a pie chart of your responses. Because pie.

Or if you’re more into word clouds:

dickmouth

Perverted Word Cloud is perverted.

Reading through all the dirty jokes, we felt so many things: surprise, amazement, confusion, awe…but mostly we laughed. In fact, we laughed so hard the developers came over and shut our office door. And while some of the jokes are actually too dirty to share (we advertised on porn sites, so that’s saying something), we’ve managed to put together the top dirty jokes you sent us. Enjoy.

1. If the dove is the bird of peace, then the bird of love is the swallow  -Matt B.

nachos

The less well-known but arguably more awesome Bird of Nachos.

2. A husband and a wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, “Mypenis” and the wife falls on the ground laughing because the on screen reply says, “Error.  Not long enough.”  -Sophia N.

dickpassword

We probably shouldn’t have shown you our password to everything, huh?

3. There once was a plumber named Lee who was plumbing his girl by the sea  Said the girl, “Stop your plumbing!  I hear someone coming!”  Said the plumber, still plumbing, “It’s me.” -Maria R.

Bacon Romance

Another fun thing to do at the sea is to get a piggy back ride from bacon.

4. A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.  “What are you doing?” he asks.  “Warming up your dinner.” -Daniel A.

sexydinner

Dinner just got a whole lot sexier.

5. Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried but she couldn’t reach. -Gina S.

grandma

Eat24 discovers the Internet

 

Oh, and then there was the guy who pasted the entire Star Wars screenplay into the box.

starwars

Anyway, we’re pretty sure all these pervy jokes can only mean one thing: An increase in hunger creates an increase in perversion. Here, try it out real quick.  Look at the picture below and say the first thing that comes to mind.

fluffypenispup

If you answered anything other than “A fluffy little dog,” you might need a burrito.

TL;DR We <3 our job, we <3 the Internet, and we <3 all of you.

 

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